'Some truths are hard to accept'
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Sonakshi's Pov
"Mam what is wrong with you? Can you not see the car? Do you want to die or what?"
I heard the man shouting at me.
'He could've have crushed me. I could've died on spot.'
My brain repeated the same thing on loop.
I walked on the road aimlessly while limping. My legs were constantly bleeding and walking became difficult because of the bruises.
After walking for 10 minutes I reached 'kashira' beach.
Still walking like a dead body I sat on a stone which was placed there.
"Beta sab thik hai na?" ( Child is something wrong?)
Asked a lady who was sitting right beside me.
I was so lost in my own pain that I did not even notice her presence.
I opened my mouth to speak when suddenly all the memories hit me.
Flashback
As I was about to enter the room I heard mom talking to my chachi (aunty)
'Okay let them talk I'll come back later' Thinking this I was about to leave when their conversation just made my leg halt mid way.
"Nahi Arpita uska Maa baap na ussa chor diya hai. Hume hi palna hai ab" (No Arpita, her parents have left her now we will only have to raise her)
Mom said.
'See I know aasa chup chupaka baate sunna galat Hai but still ab curiosity horahi hai toh kya karu?'
(See I know mysterious listening to someone's conversation without their knowledge is wrong but I am feeling curiosity so tell me what should I do)
I said to myself and started focusing on their conversation again.
"Paar Anuj, usna kuch nahi bola ?" (But did Anuj say nothing?) She again questioned
"No, he did not" Mom again replied to her.
What are they actually talking about? Why would uncle ( step dad ) say anything ? And most importantly about what ?
The more I was hearing the conversation , the more confused I was getting but then suddenly my Chachi's next words just made my life halt.
"Kamini, Anuj jaisa ladka tumha kahi nahi milega janta hua ki Sonakshi tumhari nahi Paar tumhari behen ki beti hai woh phir bhi ussa Mann le raha hai" (Kamini , you won't ever find a guy like Anuj. Even after knowing that Sonakshi is not your own kid but your Sister's kid he is still ready to raise her)
Wait what ?
How the fuck is this possible?
I mean I have all the pictures from her giving me birth till date.
Even the birth certificate consists of her name and most importantly she does not have a sister?
What the hell is she saying?
I was unable to process anything.
Her words felt stupid and idiotic.
Why would someone lie about their kid?
Wait does that mean Uncle's family is not aware of me being her kid?
Is she lying to people?
Yes maybe that's the reason why she didn't wanted me to call her mom.
That's why she refused to take me to my Uncle's house.
But why?
Why is she doing this?
"Arey Sonakshi beta tum" ( Sonakshi, you here)
Called my chachi
"Ha woh mein......." ( yea actually.........) I tried to say but words died in my mouth.
I was just constantly staring at my mom with eyes full of confusion.
"You people talk I have some work" said chachi and left the room.
Silence was all that surrounded us.
"See, Chinna that's not what I actually mean. " She said as if telling me that I understand your confusion.
"Right you don't mean it that way. You lied to people about me not being your daughter but you don't mean it in that sense. Yea you are going around telling people how I am your Sister's daughter who does not even exist. But you don't mean it in that way right I understand."
I said mocking her.
She looked at me silently and said "if I tell that then do you think anyone will accept you? No they won't. Your are already 21. So do you think Uncle's family who is just 40 Will accept a daughter who is 21?
I am just 38. How will I face them?"
Her reply just felt me speechless.
By now my eyes were almost filing with tears.
"Mom you remember why I left dad? If not then let me remind you. I left him because firstly it was for you. I didn't wanted to leave you alone. But you, what did you do ? Your life revolved around my sister and step dad but what about me? You know when dad slapped me and said he didn't want me as his daughter I was broken but then I thought that I would get all that love from you but no Mom even you always ignored me.The people I was surrounded with always heard your side of story. They sympathized with you but in my case nobody fucking even asked me about my problems.I used to stay alone and not because I liked it but because I had nobody to talk to at home.All yall did was criticise me every single fucking time.Where was I in all this ? Tell me Mom"
I said all in one go crying and gasping for breathe.
"We'll talk about this once we go home not here please" She said and went out of the room leaving me behind broken.
I do suffer from panic attack and now I was feeling out of breathe because of the overthinking.
Without any second thought I grabbed my car keys and left.
"Where are you going beta?" Asked the same aunty whom I helped few minutes back.
With a fake smile on my face I said "woh kaam hai aunty. Mein aati hoon thori der mein" (I have some work. I will come back in some time)
With that I quickly walked out of the entrance and sat on my car.
With that I started driving the car.
Why always me God why me?
What have I done so bad?
All this while I suffered, when I left home with mom I thought atleast now I would survive peacefully but guess what I was again wrong.
I hate it.
I hate every single bit of it.
With that my legs pressed the accelerater more to increase the speed.
I was out of my mind I knew that.
In the empty highway my car was racing.
I lost control on myself.
'NO don't do this to yourself. You cannot be a loser and fucking die without giving life a try at least. Please don't die Sonakshi please. For yourself and moreover for your younger self'
Suddenly these thoughts flooded in my brain.
"I cannot die..........I cannot die............I fucking cannot die"
I kept mumbling to myself and suddenly as soon as I looked up on the road I saw a truck coming towards me.
I tried pressing the brake but it didn't work.
Then the sudden realisation filled me up 'fuck the brake failed'
I held the handle and turned it to my right.
My car turned and as soon as that happened I saw a tree.
I knew my car was going to hit it so without having any choice I just closed my eyes , clutching my seat belt tightly.
*Thud* came a voice and within a fraction of time my head banged on the front of my car."AHHHHHHHHH" I shouted due to the sudden pain.
Still my eyes were closed. Gathering some amount of courage I opened my eyes to see the disaster which was caused.
I realised that my head was bleeding but to be honest at that moment the pain did not affect me.
I had bruises all over me but the pain in my heart was more than the physical ones.
As soon as I opened my eyes I saw that smoke was coming out of my car.
I quickly got out of the car and the view infront of me was horrific.
It was all destroyed.
My car was totally destroyed.
A lot of smoke was coming out of the front part and because it had hit the tree the whole front structure was gone.
'I could've died today. I was about to kill myself today.' This thought totally consumed me.
The fact that I turned my worst enemy today filled me with extreme amount of guilt.
End of Flashback
"Bolo na beta sab thik hai na ?" ( say child is everything all right?) The women again asked bringing me out of my thoughts.
I looked at her and couldn't control my tears.
All those moments were haunting me.
"Kabhi kabhi dard logo ka saath share karna sa thora sa Kam jaata hai" ( Sometimes sharing your pain with others make it a bit less) She uttered.
"Wo....woh Mujhe bohot akela mehsoos haha hai. Aasa lag raha hai maano koi apna na ho iss duniya mein." ( Th.......The thing is that I feel lonely nowadays. I feel as if I don't have anyone in this whole world)
The women glanced at me while smiling softly.
She held both of my hands in hers and said "You know sometimes we feel this way because its God's way of telling us that the people we are surrounded with are wrong."
Her words triggered me more and more.
Tears were flowing through my eyes constantly.
I felt helpless.
"But why always me? Why am I the one always left alone?" I questioned her in desperate search of answers.
"Child see why you? There's no answer to that. The only thing I can assure you is that If God snatched people from you because he knows that they are wrong for you then he will be the only one give you people who are good for you. The people who will care for you and love you.Have faith and trust in him.He will show show you the way out"
It felt as if her words calmed me down.
It made sense. Every word she said made sense to me.
I out of nowhere just hugged her and let myself feel every emotion.
"Jao beta Ghar jao bohot raat hogaya hai" (Go child , go home it's late already)
Her words made me realise that I should actually go home.
I nodded my head and got out of there to go home but not before murmuring a "thank you" to her.
I booked a cab to go home as it was an one hour ride.
Time skips
Apparently now I am standing in front of my house wandering whether or not I should go in.
I didn't wanted to make ant eye contact with my parents.
I hated it to be honest.
I hated how she refused to claim me as her daughter.
From the very childhood the person I lived for just destroyed me completely in few seconds.
Taking small steps I entered the house.
As soon as I opened the door I saw that the lights were all switched off.
'Maybe they have not returned yet' I thought in my head.
Then I walked towards the staircase to go to my room when I realised that the lights of my parents room was on.
I forwarded my hand to turn the Knob and that's when I realised that the door was locked from inside.
I realised that they did return.
'Oh so they really don't care' that's what my brain processed at that point of time.
I couldn't bear it anymore and just went to my room.
All I did for the whole night was cry nonstop.
'Sometimes parents hurt you so much that you feel hopeless as hell'
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